Taking the 52 Book Challenge, I’ve promised myself to start a new book every week this year….but I never said anything about finishing them. Below are my impressions (and predictions) after reading only 91 pages of Marvel’s Deadpool Vol 1 – Dead Presidents.
What I Know (Pages 1 – 82)
This one is a little embarrassing. I really should have been able to finish a short 154 page comic but I think I made up for it with a mountain a ticket stubs to the greatest Marvel movie of all time.
Dead Presidents written by Brian Posehn and Mark Duggan, with art by Tony Moore is the first Deapool story arc in the Marvel NOW! relaunch of 2012. You may remember Brian Posehn as a writer for Mr. Show, host of the Nerd Poker podcast(…or the weird mailroom guy from Just Shoot Me) and of course, Tony Moore is the genius responsible for the first six issues of The Walking Dead. These guys team up to put together one of the greatest, if not the funniest, comics I’ve read since Image’s Chew.
A quick recap if your unfamiliar with Deadpool: Like Wolverine, Deadpool’s superpower is an unprecedented healing. Unlike Wolverine he’s mentally unstable, hysterically annoying, and aware of his existence as a comic book character.
That last little bit is crucial, and brilliant if you’re becoming bored with the tropes of the medium. DeadPool understands that he is a character on a page, and he’s not exactly thrilled about it. He breaks the fourth wall, addressing the reader to point out sloppy writing and continuity errors as quick as any MegaNerd on forums internet-wide (A power referred to as his “Common Sense”). And the more you read, the more you get the impression Deadpool isn’t happy about his situation. In fact there is a book titled Deadpool Kills The Marvel Universe where he sneaks “off page” at the end to sneak-up on and kill the writers.
His unrelenting focus to insult and impale make Deadpool the greatest Antihero in the Marvel (or DC) Universe. Here’s a quick breakdown of how he dispatches some twenty UnDead Presidents, back from the grave to reclaim and rebuild the country they founded.
- Franklin D. Roosevelt explodes after getting hit by a subway train and pinned to the electric rail.
- Teddy Roosevelt is electrocuted and burned (along with an elephant) at the zoo after going on some big-game huntine
- Gerald Ford gets sliced+diced by a helicopter blade
- Richard Nixon is turned into a f***ing kebab after a temper tantrum at the Watergate Hotel
- John F Kennedy falls victim to DeadPool’s newly enchanted sword after being seduced by “Zombie Marilyn Monroe”
- Calvin Coolage is split in half while Herbert Hoover, Warren G Harding and James Buchanan meet their match with a enough dynamite to destroy the Hoover Dam.
- Deadpool kills Martin Van Buren, Andrew Jackson, and Franklin Pierce while riding a golf cart.
- Abraham Lincoln is decapitated in the UFC Octagon LIVE from Las Vegas.
- A few other presidents are decapitated as they sit ringside
- William Howard Taft swoops in to rescue Lincoln’s body from a flying bubble bathtub.
- And then I think Ronald Reagan infiltrates the International Space Station.
What I Assume Happens (Pages 95 – 154)
Ronald Reagan reassembles the Space Station into a Transformers-like Mech Suit. He settles on the moon and fires rockets at China and North Korea in hopes that he can spark an atomic war the United States will never survive. S.H.I.E.L.D has Dr. Strange teleport Deadpool onto the moon where he runs Reagan thru with the American Flag.
Deadpool pilots the Mega-Evil Mech Suit back to earth but fails to realize that Reagan has disabled the landing gear. To save New York from the impact, he tries to steer into the bay but crashes into the Statue of Liberty, impaling himself on the torch, but crushing Grover Cleveland and several caretaker presidents.
Alexander Hamilton, George Washington, and John Adams run a quick freestyle session as they barge into the White House looking to overtake the Oval Office. Deadpool drops a phat beat(down) on the three but barely has time to congratulate himself before a parade of First Ladies break through the door to claw his eyes out, and hang his corpse over the fireplace. Deadpool pulls a quick distraction, asking them to ‘Pray for America’s children before disemboweling him’ leaving just enough time to cut down and crush them all with a chandelier.
The remaining presidents meet Deadpool on the National Mall. He fights through the crowd but his his sword is destroyed in the process leaving him almost defenseless. Painted into a corner by the limbs and torsos of Undead Presidents that just won’t quit (!), and against the constant nagging of S.H.I.E.L.D Deadpool topples over the Washington Monument, crushing them all.
But before he can dust of his hands, Zombie Lincoln reemerges, more machine than man and ready to old-timey box Deadpool into submission. The two fisticuff across multiple cities, throwing each other through building and statues along the way. While Lincoln is filibustering about the country that will spawn from the remains of his wrath, Deadpool crushes his skull with the Liberty Bell, cracking it in two halves. S.H.I.E.L.D does there best to thank him for his work. They are clearing not pleased.
Deadpool tosses the Agent Preston a bottle of super-glue and walk off into the sunset.